Its only life
by OneTreeHillAddictx
Summary: Queen J is being thrown from the upper east side. is this the best possible thing for her? can she finally let go of the past and create a new future for herself? or does the past mean more to her than she every thought? rated T to be safe. R&R please :
1. Chapter 1

**hey (:**

**so this is my first NJ story, i 3 them and i hate how the writers are bringing them together but hey, i'll take what i can get ;) **

**this story is basically my take on what might happen after the whole J seducing N thing. **

**Its pretty short this bit, but dont worry there is lots to come :L**

**I hope you like it :D please please please review, it would make my day :D :L**

**DISCLAMIER. I DO NOT OWN GOSSIP GIRL!!!!!**

**thanks :D**

**Aimeee :D **

**xoxo**

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The room around Jenny was unbearably empty. The walls stripped of her posters, photos, magazine articles and sketches. Her cupboards screaming with bareness, all her clothes piled in boxes. Her room was stripped of everything that made it hers. Everything that made it the safest place in the world to her, her room, slap bang in the middle of New York City, her favourite place in the world. But now she had to leave everything behind.

Her dad was sick of her, her brother was sick of her and all her friends hated her. Her flight to LA was in six hours and Jenny Humphrey, the loneliest Queen in the world was dreading it.

The New York streets were crisp and fresh, the smell of a brand new day lingering in the air. The sun was already promising to shine brightly and strongly over the huge city and Jenny Humphrey wandered alone towards a mail box. It was eight thirty in the morning, the taxi men were already shouting, the pretzels and hot dogs already cooking and everything Jenny saw made her want to cry. This was the last time she'd walk down this street, last time she would pass the pretzel guy her heart sank further with each step.

Her hand burned as she dropped the six letters into the mail box. She had so many things to apologise for, so many things she needed to say before she could truly start to put this city and this world behind her. She watched as Serena, Eric, Dan, Vanessa, Blair and Chucks names disappeared into the letter box. Her heart pounded as she pulled the seventh letter from her bag. Nate Archiballd the name read. This was the letter that meant everything to her, the letter that she had to muster every ounce of courage she had left to send.

This was the letter that meant everything.

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**so what did you think ? :D **

**please please please please review. i will be eternally grateful :D**

**Aimee **

**xoxo**


	2. Letters

**Hey (:**

**Thank You so much for the reviews they are awesome.**

**Here's the next chapter (:**

**A collection of Jenny's letters (:**

**Hope you like it (:**

**REVIEW :D :D**

**I DO NOT own Gossip Girl.**

**:D**

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Dear Serena,  
I know you hate me right now, but before you tear up this letter I just want you to hear me out. I screwed up. I did something that made me hate myself. I lost you as a friend, I lost Nate, I lost Eric, and I lost everyone who has ever believed in me. And now I just want to apologize to you and hope you can forgive me. What I did was just plain bitchy. But I need you to understand that I completely lost myself in the way he made me feel and I forgot all sense of right and wrong. And I became the person I promised myself I never would be.  
So before I go I guess I'm looking for some kind of redemption. I'm so sorry Serena. You have no idea.  
Thank you for everything you have ever done for me. And I hope in the future we will be able to be the sisters I know we always could have been.  
Goodbye Serena.  
Jenny xoxo

Dear Eric,  
You are the best friend I could have ever had. And I acted like a bitch towards you. I lied, I cheated and I stole and all for what?! Because now you hate me, my own family hate me and I'm leaving town so I have no chance to even attempt to reconcile.  
So the first and most important thing I can say to you is sorry, and I know I should be doing this to your face, but there just isn't time. So I hope by this feeble letter you can forgive me. I'll keep saying it; I'll keep sending these letters until you understand how sorry I am. I hate that we aren't speaking anymore and I know it's my entire fault.  
Please lead a good life Eric, you deserve it and I hope one day we can be friends like we used to be. I'll miss you so much.  
Goodbye Eric,  
Jenny. Xoxo

Dear Chuck,  
What do you say in a letter to chuck bass? ;) But I'm serious I've been staring at this page for a long time and I guess first I want to thank you; recently you have been the only true friend to me. You helped me through all the shit that came from your crappy idea. Granted I went along with it, but that's beside the point. Thank you chuck. These last few weeks you've been like a brother to me. I know corny. But despite what everyone says about you and what you've done, you have a good enough heart to care about the bitchy queen.  
So I hope I'll see you again soon maybe.... Oh and make up with Blair, whatever it takes don't let that girl go! You'll regret it! ;) don't miss me too much.  
Goodbye chuck bass ;) :D  
Jenny xoxxo  
P.S this has easily been my most light hearted letter :L I'm even using smiley faces fgs ;)

Dan,  
I can't believed the way I'm saying goodbye to my brother is through a letter. This isn't right. Why did we end up like this Dan? What we happened to stick together to anything AND everything?! I know I screwed up and completely lost myself but there was a time when I could have counted on you to pull me back to my senses, make me see myself for who I really am!  
So I guess this is goodbye, until we're forced together at thanksgiving and Christmas! That's if you still remember me.  
Bye Dan  
Jenny

Blair Waldorf,  
Where do I even begin?! I'm writing to you to basically say goodbye! I'm leaving town which means a new queen if the UES will be required, I don't know who you'll get to fill my shoes, but I guess you can try.  
Before I go I guess some form of thank you is in order, while we may have had our differences I think meeting you and the time we spent and rivals, ferneries, and even friends has made me who I am today. Except it also made me the bitch that I was before that, obviously this was not your fault but more the fault of the world that surrounded you. So thank you Blair Waldforf. I know they given more time and the fact that you and your best friend don hate me. I think we could have been friends. Maybe sometime in the future.  
Goodbye Blair.

P.S don't let chuck go.

Dear Vanessa,

Before I leave New York I just wanted to say goodbye and thank you for everything. For being such a good friend to me, for always being there for me. I know we've had our differences in the past, not naming any names, but I know that we will always be friends, you're like a sister to me and I hope we can always be like that. Even if I live thousands of miles away.

And I'm sorry I lost myself this last year and I'm sorry we haven't been the friends we should have been.

Also, can you please talk to Dan for me? I cant bear to loose any of you for good.

Good Bye Vanessa.

Jenny

xoxo

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**Hope you like it :D**

**REVIEWWWWWWW (:**

**xoxo**


	3. Gossip Girl Blast :

**quick gossip girl blast :D**

**enjoy enjoy :D**

**REVIEW :)**

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Today is a day of mourning as our Queen bids adu to her kingdom. My little sources show she was spotted delivering some mail in her classic New York outfit. Sad to be leaving NY j? I would be! Here's where all the drama is :) but of course we are sad to see you go J! Who will bitch fight with Serena and Blair? Who will gain as much of Blair Waldorfs respect as you have! Who will befriend chuck bass and truly become his friend? Who will Nate run to when he needs someone to talk to? Or when he needs someone to fall for? Who will rule as ruthlessly and as bitchly as you? We salute you queen J you'll be missed. Xoxo

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**reviews are love :D**

**aimee :D**


	4. Dear Nate

**heres the next chapter (:**

**thanks so much for all the reviews ;)**

**i love 'em ;)**

**i'm gad you like the story ;)**

**here is nates letter ;)**

**and his reaction ;)**

**ENJOY :D**

**please review ;)**

**:D **

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Nate stumbled clumsily towards the kitchen. It was five thirty in the morning and Nate hadn't got a wink of sleep. He'd been tossing and turning all night. So much on his mind it was unbearable. He poured himself a glass of milk while shoving a pop tart in the toaster. He was exhausted. His eyes scanned across the dark room. He saw a letter resting next to the waffle iron. He wandered towards it. It was addressed to him. He'd recognise that handwriting anywhere. It was a letter from jenny.  
His hands stroked the lid of the envelope. He wanted nothing more that to rip it open. Read everything she has to say. Hear her voice in his head. But for the life of him Nate couldn't understand why he wanted to know. Jenny had acted like a bitch towards his girlfriend, a girl he cared insanely about. So what was always drawing him to this little blonde? He couldn't resist saving her. It's who he was. A good guy, at least he hoped that's what he was. He couldn't read the letter. Did he even want to hear what she had to say?! He couldn't read it! "That would be betraying Serena." He thought as he slowly ripped open the letter.

Dear Nate,  
This is probably the hardest letter I have ever had to write. And I have absolutely no idea how to put the way I'm feeling into words, or how to say the things I know you deserve to hear. But I'll give it my best shot because I can't bear to think what might become of us...  
I'm sorry Nate. What I did was inexcusable, and I know I'm a bitch; I've had enough people I love tell me that. And I also know that I'm your least favourite person right about now. But before I leave New York there are so many things that need saying. I do have reasons for why I did want I did; while they do not justify what I did they may explain it. I let my heart control my head, I let it spin out of control and in the end I only brought about hurt. Because I was willing to hurt Serena to get what I wanted, if it meant got you I would have done anything. You mean more to me than I ever thought you could. You were always there to save me and I guess a thank you is in order for that, for when you saved me from Agnes' apartment, when you saved me at cotillion, when you tried to save me from Damien, when you saved me from that bar. For that I will always be grateful, you were there when I needed a knight in shining armour, just like always.  
I'm leaving NY for good so I guess this is also a goodbye letter. I have never wanted to say goodbye to someone in person more than I do right now. You have no idea how badly I will miss you. I want to cry just thinking about it. I know that's crazy and corny. But my feelings have grown too strong for me to just pretend they don't exist. You're my knight Nate. Someone I've always been able to depend on. There was a time when you were my best friend and I know I was yours, the calm in the storm that is the UE and I miss that. I miss the way we were before I lost myself.  
Nate Archibald I have poured my heart out to you in this letter and I don't even know why because the way you look at me now kills me. It's not a look full of hate but a look full of disappointment; I know you never thought I'd be capable of that. I never thought I'd be capable of that! But I wrote this letter because I want to get back the jenny Humphrey that people actually cared about. The Jenny Humphrey, who was independent and carefree, not the manipulative person I've become. I want to become the person who you actually cared about. Because I know you did care. You cannot deny that.  
Was I the only one who felt this chemistry between us? I felt it that night outside Agnes' when you kissed me. I've never felt so free. And at the fashion show, you were my rock. And the fireworks I felt consumed me and I was heartbroken when you didn't call. And when I did what I did at the snowflake ball. I let the mean girls manipulate me and I betrayed a dear dear friend. And I lost you.

I never did find out what that letter said.

Nate, I know that his letter has become a mess of feelings and apologies but I needed you to know all these things before I leave NY.  
There is just one final thing to say, and it's going to be the downiest thing you have ever heard, hub I have to say it. You were the first guy that ever really meant something to me and I will never ever forget everything you've done, the friendship we've shared, the chemistry we shared and I will never forget you. I know I'm grasping at loose ends and this letter is probably completely one-sided. But you have no idea how good it feels to have you know all the things I've pressed down inside me for so long.  
I hope you can forgive me and by this letter maybe no linger hate me. I will miss you my knight and for now I hope this is goodbye.  
I will always be thinking about you my knight in shining armour, and I pray that we can meet again. Maybe when I'm back tithe Jenny Humphrey you cared for.

Be happy Nate. You deserve it.  
Jenny xoxo

The letter lay on the desk. Nate lay on the sofa. His head was spinning even faster than before.  
Jenny Humphrey. The girl he was always saving. She was so sweet. So innocent. Or so he had thought. She'd poured her heart out to him in that letter, every inch of her soul splashed across the paper. Every feeling, every ounce of regret. And he could hardly think from it all. Too much emotion. Jenny Humphrey, the girl he cared insanely about, more than he should or wanted to. She was suffering alone. And she was gone. Left town. He shouldn't care. She was a bitch. Not the jenny Humphrey he cared about. He had to convince himself of that. She wasn't the same person. The girl he had come to regard as a best friend wasn't the same anymore. Not since she betrayed him. She lied. Ever since she had never seemed like the same girl. He had to forget Jenny Humphrey. With the bright blonde hair and ever so sweet eyes. No matter what facade she put on she couldn't hide her eyes. He would forget everything she ever meant to him. Everything about her. He didn't need to ever mention her name. Because Serena was his girlfriend and he was a good guy. He would forget her.  
Angrily, he shoved the letter in a desk draw burring it under countless notes and meaningless posters, leaving it right on top of the letter he had sent her a long time ago.  
He would forget.

"Nate?!" Serena's voice came from the lobby.  
"In here!" he replied slamming the draw shut. Serena's heels clicked against the floor.  
She smiled at him as she turned around the corner.  
He stretched out his arms to embrace her.  
Serena was his girlfriend. He loved her.  
He would forget.

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**well?**

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**REVIEW :D**

**aimee :)**


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